For God alone my soul
in silence waits;
From him comes my
salvation.
(Psalm
62)
In the midst of getting to know my new grandson I attended a
week-long residency for my class on contemplative prayer, offered by the
Shalem Institute. To say that both these experiences were
transformative is not exaggerating one bit. The miracle of new birth combined
with a spiritual experience of great depth and meaning has given me a new lens
through which to look at life.
Not knowing a single person or really what I was getting
into, I was quite anxious about the residency, held at a retreat center west of
Baltimore. But when I walked into the first session I
realized that the other 21 students felt just like me. The anxiety lasted about 5 minutes-I quickly saw
that we all spoke the same language.
Each day included a seminar on such topics as leadership,
prayer forms and contemplative awareness. We met daily with a small peer group
where we “practiced” leading a particular form of prayer and made and received
comments from our leader and the other members. We shared good food together as
well as walks by the meditation pond or on trails thru the surrounding woods.
There was no hiding-we talked one-on-one and in larger groups about our deepest
beliefs, hopes and disappointments. And
there was plenty of opportunity to be alone and quiet if one so desired.
In the midst of the residency there was a 36-hour period of
total silence. We still ate together,
met in seminars (led by a leader who was talking)
and even danced our hearts out. But we
were silent. I relaxed into this time
with myself, and truthfully, it was wonderful.
I noticed the ordinary and treasured the common.
I want to explain a bit about prayer forms-this has been new
to me. A prayer form is simply a way to
help one grow closer to the Spirit and listen-it
is similar to meditation, with the intent of drawing near to God. The prayer forms serve as ways to help calm
and clear a cluttered mind. One can use
a particular word, chant, icon or interior image.
In leading my peer
group I chose to use thanksgiving as my prayer form. Reminding the group
members of Paul’s admonition to be
thankful in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:18) I asked them to say “thank
you” to each thought that came into their minds, whether positive or negative,
then to let it go. Yes, it is easy to be
grateful for the good in our lives, but what about the bad? This prayer is not gratitude for the bad but a way of showing us that
something good can come from a tragedy, a loss, a death. But how can the death of a loved one contain
anything to be thankful for, you might ask?
Perhaps your loved one was spared agonizing pain by dying or perhaps
estranged family members drew closer. This is what is meant by thanksgiving in all things.
Returning to my everyday life after the residency was not
easy. Stacks of bills, piles of paper,
flower beds full of weeds-all vying for my attention. Yet I am trying to carry
this marvelous idea of contemplation with me as I live each day. I feel that I
am on a bridge, leaving behind the tendency to control and demand and heading
toward a profound sense of peace and acceptance.
My soul waits quietly
for you
From you comes my
deliverance
(Zen-inspired translation of Psalm 62
by Norman Fischer)
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