Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Sixty



Early yesterday morning, as I walked outside with Prudy, I was greeted by a trio of birds enthusiastically singing a birthday greeting. Only a few hours before I had become sixty years old.

Like most people who make the turn into this new decade I cannot believe it's so.  How did we get so old?  My friends and I laugh and commiserate over the rapid passage of time, shaking our heads and insisting there must be some mistake.

But amidst the celebrations, cards, gifts and even jokes, I have noticed something lurking deep inside. It took me awhile to figure it out- I really wasn't feeling over-the-hill, in fact I feel pretty darn good, so why a bit of darkness, of anxiety?

The answer is that I sense, for the first time, the finiteness of life. Yes, of course we all know that we will die, but something about turning sixty has convinced me that my life really is finite. That's the idea that is causing me some problems, not the gray hair or occasional memory slips.  There's going to be an end.

My choices of how to make the most of my years are beckoning and weighing my heart down.  And now I must dig deeply into the accumulated wisdom from sixty years of my wonderful life.

1 comment:

Carmen Greene said...

When I read this soon after you wrote it, I understood completely. Now that its months later, I understand but don't want to admit the reality. My heart too weighed down...I will miss my friend who: listened to my jokes; understood my facial expressions; understood my piano angst and joy; and mostly shared in our mothers' aging and love of God. Too overwhelming still to 'own' the fact you are leaving...still.