Duets with Mary

Earlier this month I was in the New York City area and had the privelege of meeting Jeff's (son-in-law-to-be) grandmother. Mary still lives in the Lower East Side apartment where she raised her family. One of her great pleasures in life has been playing the piano and a small Steinway grand sits prominently in the living room. Mary is deep into Alzheimer's, but remnants of her former self still show forth in her sparkling eyes and sweet smile.

A collection of Beethoven's piano sonatas sat on the music rack and I asked if I might play a bit. I began with the slow movement of the Pathetique and before long I heard Mary, sitting nearby, humming along. She moved over to the bench and played a little piece for me, over and over, something I didn't recognize. I suggested we play together, and while I read thru the Moonlight she watched my hands like a hawk and tried to imitate what I was doing. Occasionally she would go back to her own piece and the resulting cacophony was both hopeful and bittersweet.

I will not forget that afternoon of playing duets with Mary. It is another reminder, among many, of the power of music to heal, to cross boundaries, and to connect us with one another.

Six Days of Retirement

The first week of February I made an unexpected trip to visit my parents and aunt in Texas. My mom and dad had been having a particularly rough time and needed some shoring up. I was feeling helpless and very far away, so with little notice I made a plane reservation, contacted a sub, and cancelled my life here in Maine for a week. It was easy.

Immediately I felt a strong sense of relief and it was truly a wonderful trip. And believe it or not, I count ice and snow as the reasons for it being exceptionally good. I left here on a frigid, snow-covered day and looked forward to early morning walks by the canals of Irving and taking in some Vitamin D. It was balmy when I arrived-for a few hours that is. I woke up around 4 am to the sound of something coming from the sky-a little like rain, but no...it was ice, and lots of it.

The Dallas area does not have the capacity to clear all the roads in this type of situation and naturally they go after the major highways first, like those leading to the Super Bowl, which was taking place later in the week. The temperatures remained well below freezing, while we remained in the apartment. I made a short, petrifying trip to the supermarket, and that was it.

When I visit the folks they like to get out-go to a movie, a museum, a restaurant. We come back from these outings exhausted, impatient and demoralized. This time we were forced to do things in the retirement facility and it was so much easier. Everyday we watched a movie, usually on the Turner Classics channel, accompanied by popcorn and soft drinks. I cooked simple meals for supper and we played dominoes, sometimes in the public game room. One afternoon my aunt and I went to "Happy Hour" where a resident got a bit tipsy and began dancing in her wheelchair. Another lady looked at me and asked Are you new here? Surely she had had too much wine to see clearly...

There was even some excitement one night around 11 when the fire alarm went off. I awoke to bright flashing lights in every room and an alarm so piercing I had to cover my ears. My mother and I were frantic, trying to figure out what was going on, and suddenly I became very sober, going over in my mind how we'd get my helpless dad up and out in the event it was a fire. It was only 10 degrees outside and a feeling of vulnerability seeped through every pore of my body. The emergency turned out to be a broken water main, causing one wing of the building to flood.

There is no real conclusion here, or a happy versus sad ending. No big decisions were made, I didn't fix anything, and we didn't even have one of my dad's infamous family conferences. We just were and it was a lovely 6 days. My mom and dad continue to struggle, but in the midst of that we experienced joy.

An Attempt at Correction

In my last post I tried to include a link. I would certainly fall into the category of technology dummy, and knowing that, I even practiced setting up the link! Well, it didn't work, and I'm trying it again: http://www.theproject333.com/getting-started/. If that doesn't work, please just google Project 333.

Drowning in Stuff, Part 2

Last June I wrote about feeling overwhelmed by the amount of my possessions and the size of my house. Although I haven't said anything about it since, I have been actively thinking and actually doing something about it. Throughout the past few months I have cleaned out every shelf and cupboard in the kitchen, continued to sort and donate books and clothes, and weeded thru my piano teaching music. And I have found a new home for my 12 place-settings of Lenox Solitaire china. We used it at Christmas and when I courageously (it was hard!) offered it to Jeff and Emily they quickly gave a unanimous yes. Now it's just a matter of getting it to them in Washington.

But the thing that has made the biggest difference to me is participating in Project 333. Started by a minimalist blogger, the idea is to whittle down one's wardrobe to 33 items for 3 months. This includes clothing, shoes, coats, jewelry and accessories, but not underwear, pajamas, workout wear or around the house lounging clothes. Knowing that it was only for 3 months was a big help, as well as the plan to merely store extra items rather than get rid of them. My 3 months began on January 1, which also made it practical as I need heavy winter clothing thru March.

I began by buying a plastic storage container at Wal-Mart and within a couple of hours I was back for another. (I wonder here at the irony of going to Wal-Mart in order to simplify.) I decided on a basic wardrobe of blacks and grays, with a brown skirt thrown in for variety, then added some sweaters and tops in more vivid colors. The clothing works in such a way that almost every top goes with every bottom. As I filled the containers with cast-offs I became almost giddy with the relief of unburdening my overstuffed closet and drawers.

Many people participating in this project publish a list of their items, but I will not bore you with that. I do have a list, though, and find I haven't done too badly with this first go-round. And I feel liberated! Gone are the days of opening the closet door and trying to make a decision between too many choices. No longer do I try on several necklaces or pairs of earrings, attempting to find just the right look. I admit that paring down the jewelry was the most difficult of all and here I will give you my list: pearl studs, small diamond drop earrings that Bill gave me for my 50th birthday, a Celtic cross from Ireland, a simple silver pendant necklace from Ecuador and my grandmother's pearls and brooch. This selection of jewelry goes with just about everything, although I have admittedly cheated a couple of times.

I realize that countless numbers of people in this world could not pare down their wardrobe to 33 items because they don't even own that many things. That makes me feel a little guilty and self-indulgent...here I am, spending a significant amount of time and energy trying to have less. But it shows me that there are other and more meaningful ways to spend my resources, and I don't just mean money. Paradoxically, all this cleaning out has caused me to focus on things more than usual and I am anxious to reach the next step and think about something loftier. This project has been a kick-in-the-butt for me to actually do something substantial instead of just going thru the bookshelves once again. It is showing me how a less cluttered life would feel, and I like it.

There are 2 means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.

Albert Schweitzer

A Simple Sunday Supper

It's entertaining season again...yes, I know the holidays are past, when most folks do their partying, but that is a non-stop time of work for me. The cold, desolate winter months are when I most enjoy having friends over for dinner and we do it on an almost weekly basis. When I plan these dinner parties I normally start with a clean slate: looking thru cookbooks and my pile of clipped recipes for ideas, making a grocery list and then shopping, cleaning, setting a pretty table, and cooking. It's my favorite winter sport.

On a recent Sunday evening we hosted our good friends Debby and Paul, both musicians, and I decided to do things a little differently. Having just come thru a rather pricey Christmas and with a wedding coming up in August I wanted to see how little money I could spend and still serve up a marvelous meal. So I took stock of the freezer and cupboard and went to the store for only 4 items, which amounted to a mere $15. Here's the menu, and how I did it:

Appetizers: A small chunk of Jarlsburg, found in the fridge, with crackers from who knows when (but still fresh), some leftover kalamata olives, and smoked mussels that I purchased to serve at Christmas but never did.

Main dish: Pasta sauce from the freezer, with ground beef, served over colorful bowtie pasta.

Salad: Generously contributed by Debbie.

A loaf of whole grain artisan bread.

Dessert: Pecan pie, made with nuts from Texas given to us by my Aunt Dot. (for recipe see No. 10, Rx for the Winter Blahs)

Wine: An Australian Malbec, in stock, so to speak.

This was a stick-to-your ribs winter supper and I'm happy to report that I have enough sauce in the freezer for 2 more company dinners. A note about the pasta sauce: in August, when our tomatoes are at their peak, we gather them for several days, filling the fridge with baskets and baskets of them. I then make a sauce, loosely following the Italian Tomato Sauce recipe from the Moosewood Cookbook and using as much produce from the garden and farmers market as possible. This includes lots of onions, garlic, herbs and zucchini.

Ragu? Paul Newman? Barilla? Sorry...you don't stand a chance.

For the New Year, 2011

The Guest House

This human being is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

--Jelaluddin Rumi